We're standing around a table at the bar. A few of us are sitting, but the majority are standing, due to how small the table is. Split into mini groups, different conversations are going on all around. I'm trying to listen to all, I never want to miss a thing. I'm more of an observer. I keep looking from group to group, quietly sipping my Diet Coke and Captain Morgans, only saying something here and there, laughing when I catch something funny.
But when our eyes meet, I find it hard to concentrate on the conversations. I just feel his eyes looking into mine. I wonder if he feels the same way. I always look away first, don't want him to know that I feel a spark where there may not be one. We're in our group. I'm the only girl part of it that's not a girlfriend. I'm just there, as if it's always been that way. They have all known each other since elementary school, and I know almost all of their inside jokes. What am I doing having feelings for one of them?
Maybe it was bound to happen. Everyone else outside of that group seems to think so. Everyone in the group knows that at least one of them has liked me, but nothing came of it. There was nothing there, he's my friend, and I could never see him as anything else.
Parts of me thinks that it must be that way with this one. We're friends, nothing could come of it. If we did try to date and it didn't work out, it would be awkward all around. I may have to find a new group, because it could get that weird.
But another part of me disagrees. Some of the best relationships start with good friends. Every time we drink together, we always end up in bed together. We never have sex, we just fool around. That's happened a few times over the past year, and it's been happening more often, a fact that he pointed out to our friends girlfriend, who told me. Why would he continue to make out with me if he felt nothing?
However, it could be just someone to fool around with. He could very well feel that way.
The saddest part is that I may never find out. I'm far too shy to say anything. So no matter what I feel, I'm just going to sit back quietly and act like everything is good and we're just friends who make out when drunk. If he decides to say anything, then okay. If he doesn't, that's okay, too.
