Maybe I was just looking in the wrong place. Maybe that is why people were saying I was overreacting.
No, that is wrong. I was overreacting, I am usually overreacting. I feel BIG feelings, all the time. I feel them big, and I show them big. I am a big person in a little body!
Friendships are like an amusement park. There are different rides to take, different sights to see, and sometimes you just want to be on the same ride over and over again. Until you get sick of it and you want to try something new, or maybe until the ride breaks down all together.
When you feel big feelings, it is really important to remember to communicate like nothing else. You need to make sure that you are humble and ready to admit when you took things out of line. I am learning that with my new friends, because I want them to stay around for awhile. I enjoy their company. It isn't an ever constant friendship, which almost makes it better. We don't have to talk everyday, but we check in a couple of times a week.
I have a friend in which I've been on the ride too long and too often. It's becoming suffocating, where once it was my safe place. The ride is spinning, and while I thought it was fun and exciting once, it is now making me sick, and the lights are blurring together too much and I need to stand still and on my own.
For the first time, I don't feel like crawling into a corner and crying non-stop. It's fine. We are at different places in our lives, and I have an abundance of friends right now, and I'm not in a place where I want to be suffocated by a friendship. Lately, I've been enjoying my marriage so much, and I just want to stay in that happy bubble. I'm so happy with my life, and I want to spend more time being happy, and less time being depressed. It's almost as if this last thing that happened with my friend made me really realize that our friendship is drama and draining on me. I spend so much of my time socializing with her that I don't want to socialize with my family after work, and that is not the life that I want.
I love my husband, more and more as time goes on. While we show each other love in our own ways, he makes me feel amazing. We were speaking different languages for so long, and we've reached a point in our marriage where it's the same language. Do we piss each other off? All the time! There is a point past that though, where you know each other more than anyone else in the world, you know each other's flaws, and you are still able to look at them with so much love.
I guess what I've realized is, I don't want someone to be bringing me down and draining my social battery when I have so many people in my home that I want to spend time with. I want my family to know I love them, and I need to work on myself so that I can be a better mother and wife. And that can't happen when my battery is constantly drained.
