No Love

Every once in a while I come here with the intention of writing something, yet I never really know what to write.

It seems that whenever I'm in a relationship, I don't feel like writing. Who wants to read about a happy girl? My friends sure don't want to hear about it. At first they were happy for me, but now, I think they're mad.

And for sure, they have full rights to be mad. I never go out and party with them anymore. I just have no desire to go downtown and get wasted, then worry about taking the train home by myself. It scares me to, and this isn't anything new. Doesn't help that I can't afford to live, let alone go out and spend $100 on a night drinking.

I spent $70 on dinner last weekend for the boyfriend and I, because he forgot his wallet. How convenient!

However, I'm sure they think I don't come out because I'm in a relationship, and that's the only reason. Obviously it is a bit of the reason, but not the only.

It's weird for him that all of my friends are guys. He thinks that they all want to sleep with me, which is crazy. Sure, maybe a few did at one point, but we're all tight.

I know that the friendships are dying, and it is my fault, but why can't they understand. No one wants to just hang out with me, no one asks, only in the big group, and far from me. They all drive, I don't. I don't want to sit on a bus for over an hour to hang out for 2 hours. It doesn't make sense. But they feel as if I should do it anyways.

Why should I? I spend a lot of my time bussing around, why can't someone drive somewhere close to me? Call me selfish, but I just don't want to.

For instance, right now I'm on the train to see the boyfriend. I train out after work sometimes, and he drops me off at home in the morning. Compromise, it makes more sense than what we used to do. Except for not going to my house, because he works 15 mins from my house, compared to the 45 from his. But his house is nicer. So it's okay.

I'll just be the girl with no friends. The only good part about that is if we break up, it will be that much easier to move away like I always wanted.