Love Story

Sometimes I don't know if it's worth it. The heartache that I feel, the actual pain of it. It's hard to breathe sometimes, when I actually think of the situation that we have found ourselves in. All I wanted was to know why you weren't texting me as often as you once did. The next thing I know, we are in a full blown discussion, tears streaming down my face. Oh, how many tears have fallen down my face since that Friday night. You were going on about how you don't know what you want, how you're not ready to get married or move in together. Tears just streaming down my face, saying that's not want I want either right now. We haven't even together for a year, why are you thinking of these things? What put this into your mind?

I have so many questions that I'm eager to ask you, I just want to bombard you with them every time I see you, which hasn't been often since that night. I took everything I had there with me, so it's harder for me to just train on over after work. We are taking space, I'm leaving you alone, because that's what you want. But all I want to do is be with you. I want to sit down and talk with you, find out if these tears are worth it. If there is some type of light at the end of the tunnel, or if it's just a dead end.

I don't mind walking back. I don't mind taking my own path, I'm used to it by now. But I just need you to tell me. If you want to walk away, you are going to have to do it. I don't have it in me to walk away from you.

Because when I'm with you, everything is okay. The way you touch and kiss me, the way you look at me, it still makes me feel amazing. Cuddling with you in the morning is one of my favourite things. When I'm with you, and we're happy, then it makes it all worth it. To see you smile, to see your son smile, makes me so happy. Because I just want you to be happy. If I don't make you happy, then I will be sad, but I want you to find out what does make you happy.

What if I walk away, and you just needed space? If I just walk away now, I will always wonder what if. And that is one of my most hated things to do. I have over thought every decision I have made after making it. Wondering "what if I had just stayed and fought, instead of running away?"

But then there are those times when we are together, and you're selfish. You never noticed that I got my hair done. You are hot and cold. Sometimes you're attentive, sometimes you're absent, when you're right beside me. How am I supposed to know what you want? I'm not a mind reader.

Your sister-in-law told me how she talked to you. And you said you didn't know what you wanted, because you have been down this road before, and it ended horribly. Which brings me back to thinking that maybe you're just scared. But again, how I am supposed to know what you really want.

Our one year is coming up. And I don't even know if you're going to be around for that.

Whatever you're going through, I hope it ends soon. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I'm tired of the pain and the tears. Especially when you're not even here to tell me that it's all going to be okay.

When is it all going to be okay again? And will you be there to comfort me, or will I do it alone?