I often wonder about what kind of life I could of had if I had been born to parents who were a bit more well off. Sometimes I wish I was from a family with more money, as shallow as that may seem. Not because I'm materialistic, only because I really want to go to school. Like, really really really want to go to school. I miss learning. I want to make something of my life.
But I have to work full time so that I can live. Pay bills. Whoopie, adult life. I don't want to take out a huge loan, because I don't even know what I want to do with my life. My friend took out a $20,000 loan to go to school. Now she's all "sick", and not going to school, and just has this huge loan. I don't want to be in debt like that. I would go crazy. Fuck, I owe $200 on my Visa right now and it's driving me insane. I could just pay it with my savings, but I don't like to go under a certain amount. Because I like money. I want lots in case of an emergency. Which I'm in right now. I have no furniture. Ha!
I'm moving out in December with N. I caved to her will, and I'm waiting for her to move out. She's going on vacation for a week at the beginning of November, so she can't afford to move out right now. So I wait. Until December. My new bed frame that I bought? Won't be even set up for another month. That hope I had of being able to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in my own house? A distant thought now. All the while, N is going to Mexico, and sleeps at her boyfriends house almost every night, peacefully. How jealous I am.
I hope she changes her mind and we move out sooner.
I did a few calculations yesterday while I should have been working (in between Farmville, of course), and I need to seriously cut back on the spending. Almost a whole paycheque goes somewhere. Where does it go? I don't know. How about we go around asking all the fast food joints, bars, and clubs that I go to if they like my money. I think they do. My bank misses it. I should be using that money to go to school. I need to do something and start saving more money! Then instead of wasting my time on blogs and facebook, I could be learning! Online courses, just do it at work. Take some English courses.... Maybe one day be an editor... Move to New York...
Or even just become an editor. A book editor. Do something. Get my freakin' brother off my back. Every time I see him, he yells at me for not being in school. He wants me to get a loan. Off all people, he should understand that I don't want to be in debt. He's so far into debt that he is completely comfortable with the fact that he's never going to get out.
I got my hair cut on the weekend. BossLady said I look five years younger. Not the look I was going for. But what does she know? She's almost 70, probably going blind. Her opinion doesn't count. Everyone else loves the look. I just miss my length.
Bye bye 9 inches of hair. I miss you! <3
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